You Could Be Happy
by Mrizzle
Summary: Callie and Arizona both blame themselves for what happened in the Airport Terminal.  Will they find it in their hearts to forgive each other? Or will they give up hope before they even try?


**Title:** You Could Be Happy

**Chapter: **I've Done it Again

**Pairing: **Callie/Arizona Callie/OC

**Rating:** PG-13

**Summary:** A Series of Songfic Chapters based on the song "you could be happy" by Snow Patrol.

**Disclaimer: **All characters belong to Shonda Rhimes, Shondaland and ABC. Lyrics belong to Snow Patrol. I don't own anything. For entertainment only, no profit.

**A/N: **First time I'm brave enough to post anything so please review and be kind.

6 Months after Arizona left Calliope standing in the Airport Terminal.

Callie's POV

::BEEP BEEP BEEP::

A tanned hand reaches out and slaps the offending clock, wanting it to shut up for just ten more minutes.  
Callie tries desperately to will the memory of a blonde curly head that used to sleep beside her out of her mind.  
As she tries to turn off the memories and shut off the sting of her tears, the sleeping form beside her comes into view.  
"I've done it again" Callie thinks to herself as she gets out of bed and retreats to her bathroom as quick as she can.  
As hazy pictures of her Tequila filled romp with a nameless red head come flooding back into her brain, the raven haired surgeon prepares herself for another day filled with regret, asprin and a hangover that surely won't subside until at least dinner time.  
She's been back at SGMW for over four months and still it hadn't felt like home since Arizona had abandoned her. Since Arizona had left her alone to wrestle with the demons she was certain she could never overcome. The love of her life had left her alone with serious abandonment issues and still she could not hate her. In fact, Callie was proud to have known her, proud to have loved her, and wished only that she was happy over in Africa. The curvy Ortho Surgeon truly hoped that Arizona was in Malawi kicking ass and taking names, changing the lives of countless children who were lucky enough to be treated by the Upbeat Pediatric Surgeon.  
As she hopped into the shower, she hoped to wash away the memory of the previous nights debauchery, and prayed to the One Night Stand gods that the redhead would be gone before she returned from the bathroom.

_**You could be happy and I won't know  
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go**  
_  
Thankfully, the red head took Callie's silence as a hint and had departed while the doctor readied herself for her shift. She hadn't left her contact information, and Callie truly preferred it that way. If she had no way to get in touch with the girl, then she could easily deflect her colleagues questions about why she doesn't try and move on from her relationship with Arizona. Callie was not coping well, which was the understatement of the century. She chose to use sex to heal her heart and she was painfully aware that it was not working. Every time she fell into bed with a new woman she hoped to dull the pain of her failures. She hoped to push the images of Arizona walking away out of her head, "I can't believe I watched her walk away". Callie was alarmed by the sound of her own voice, but shouldn't have been surprised. Silence and solitude was something she had become used to. Mark went through the motions of dragging he out to Joe's every few weeks, but she feared that even her best friend had given up on her. As the orthopedic surgeon took one last look around her room before departing for the Hospital, she tries her hardest to look forward to her day at work, tries her hardest to be grateful that she has a job, that she has good friends and good family. Still she knows none of that mattered if she didn't have Arizona. With her hand over her heart she tries desperately to combat the dull ache that once again settles over her heart, she chuckles to herself as she realizes that her tender heart is the only constant in her life.

**Arizona's POV**

_And all the things that I wished I had not said  
Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head_

She awoke with a start from her nightmare, Callie's name on her lips. Like most other nights, she had dreamed of the other surgeon. Dreamt of the way her face twisted in pain as she lashed out at her in the middle of the Airport. She had ended it, and she has wished every day since that she had done things differently. That she had involved her other half in the decision making process more, that she had solicited her opinion, that she hadn't left the woman between a rock and a hard place. She hadn't left Callie much of a choice really had she? Either stay in Seattle without the love of her life, or go to Africa with her and stunt the growth of a career that had just begun to take flight. "I never even thought to discuss any other options"! Arizona said out loud to herself as she sat up in her bed. How selfish had she been? Callie had been right to been angry in the airport! They had both made mistakes, but her beautiful girlfriend had been willing to make an enormous sacrifice for their relationship, and she had shattered her heart by rejecting that gesture. She hoped she could be forgiven but she knew that by the time she wrapped up things in Africa, it was likely that her raven-haired ex-girlfriend would have moved on to someone new. Maybe she would already have a new family, and Arizona would be left in the dust, looking on as someone else lived her dream. Her Dream. She had told Callie in the airport that Africa was her dream, and fittingly she had unintentionally used the correct tense. Africa WAS her dream. It hadn't taken more than an hour into her flight from Seattle to Malawi for the beautiful blonde headed surgeon to realize that she had left her dream standing in an Airport Terminal with a shattered heart and had likely caused her more heartache then she could ever hope to repair. Right then and there she vowed to make things right. She didn't know how or when or even how, but she just knew she had to try. As she jumped out of bed she made a checklist in her head of the things she would have to do before she could pass her grant off to someone else to return home and try to right the wrongs she had committed. She hoped against hope that she could help Callie remember the wonderful things they had shared, hoped she could banish the memories of their screaming match in the Airport and replace them with memories of love and a bright future that they both deserved.

_Is it too late to remind you how we were  
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur._


End file.
